Loving……Herself

I know of this beautiful soul, she loves deeply, she doesn’t trust easily, she devalues her worth, often lacks in self-love, confidence and self-esteem, wears her heart on her sleeve and has been hurt too many times to count, often believes and trusts in the wrong people, as she sees the good in all around – These are just some of the beliefs that were created and forged from a very young age.

Lets take a look – It all started at the moment of conception, right there in the womb – where her mother did not want her, followed by the loss of her Grandfather, one she cherished and loved dearly. Only for him to be taken away in an ambulance never to been seen again. (the only one she felt ever loved her). Then there was the Uncle who got a bit touchy, feely and all of this was before the age of 7.

Her family moved to Australia when she was 8 years old….. in her mind – she was torn away from her friends and life as she knew it. Making friends did not come easy to her, she was extremely shy and vulnerable in many ways. Life was not a journey of discovery, it was something to be feared, people were to be feared and trust was not in her vocabulary of understanding.

Then in primary school, something changed, she meet this young boy – they connected in a way she never had before, both extremely shy, so very little words were spoken, it was all in the looks and stolen touches. He had a gentle soul and cared without condition. Her first love…… trust and hope began to grow within her, she saw love through the eyes of an innocent child – pure; pure of heart is what it was.

Then the shocking revelation of high school happened and this young boy disappeared from her life (just as her grandfather had), nowhere to be seen or found throughout the years. However he did leave a mark on her life, one she carried throughout all of her relationships. One in which no one could compete with, no one could live up to the standards she had set, she could not find what she was looking for…. that pure innocent love of a child. That now feels like it only existed within a dream….. it was all there; in that one moment.

It left her feeling crushed to say the least, it reinforced within her mind – love=abandonment, love=unworthiness, love=heartache. Her past had forged her path in life, of a lonely existence, never finding that love she so much desired, no one could fill that hole within her heart and soul. Through many relationships and disappointments, she knew life had to change, so here is where we jump forward 20+ years.

Her journey of a new way began, seeing life and its experiences as lessons learnt, growing took place and she moved forward, leaving the story behind her. The anger, hurt and disappointment replaced with those dreams of more, a future yet to be forged, created and accomplished as she chooses. Taking value in who she is, knowing her worth and believing that life can be and will be all she could ever dream of. Loving herself the way she always expected others too, looking after her by doing what makes her happy, bringing joy and laughter into her own life. Being responsible for herself!

And still a new journey begins….. where will this next chapter take her.

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